Eyes of Dominance

Split into two posts, link to the second half at the bottom. Part 1 of the series is here.

Lindsey woke up Saturday morning with a deep groan. The early morning sun beaming through her window did nothing to assuage her throbbing headache. She glared at the window, cursing the half drawn blinds that offered no protection from the sharp glare. She knew that the light streaming in meant it was probably time to get up, but there was nothing wrong with sleeping in on the weekend. What time is it anyway, she mused. She reached over to her phone, expecting to see the time across the screen, only to face an inky black reflection. 

Oh right, I turned it off, she remembered. The fragmented memories of last night swimming at the peripheral of her mind began to coalesce with the stupor of sleep gradually fading away. Memories she had hoped were part of some imagined dream. Still, with her growing awareness she remembered why she had turned off her phone in the first place. With an exasperated sigh, she held down the power button and watched the screen flash to life.

She had anticipated a veritable slew of messages from Mark about their fight last night, only to be surprised at the complete lack of notifications. That meant that one of three things; he was waiting on her to make the first move, he was too angry to text her right now, or he believed the argument was beneath responding to. None of those options struck her as particularly mature given the situation. She put the phone back down on her nightstand. If he was gonna ignore her, she was going to do the same. She was hardly going to reward his silence and lack of care with a reply given what had started their fight in the first place.

Her headache had only marginally abated since awakening. It was far from the worst hangover she had experienced through the years. But any amount of discomfort felt unfair on a Saturday morning. Reluctantly, she moved to scoot across the bed, planning to grab some water from the kitchen. But she was stopped in her tracks as she moved to sit up, the shift in weight causing her sore bottom to throb anew.

Oh, that…

Unlike the argument with Mark, the situation with Christian could not be as easily ignored. She winced as she gingerly sat up and padded to the bedroom mirror, stepping on her crumbled leggings and underwear abandoned the night prior. She turned around to inspect the damage.

Most of the redness had dissipated, leaving only fading pink splotches and light marks where the spoon had struck her. That didn’t mean that the pain had disappeared. Her whole backside felt tender to the touch, particularly her poor upper thighs. Small bumps and raised ridges still dotted her skin, also likely the work of the spoon. Who knew something so innocuous could cause so much pain? 

Still, it was a marked improvement from how it looked last night. Not much to do about but wait for the soreness to subside. First thing first; she needed a shower to clear her head and wash up after last night.

Lindsey took her time standing under the warm water. She was normally quick with her normal bathing routine, but the isolation and relative comfort of the shower allowed her to keep her mind clear of the many thoughts that she knew would consume her soon. Afterwords, she haphazardly got dressed, opting for a light T shirt and loose sweat pants. Anything tighter around her backside seemed like needless torture. Clean and freshly clothed, she finally took a moment to note the time.

10:12. Which meant that Christian would be home in a little over three hours. She was reminded that he promised a further conversation concerning yesterday’s ordeal, and a curious shiver ran down her spine. But that was still a few hours away; there was little point in getting worked up about it now.

Standing in the living room, she weighed her options. On a normal day off, she would curl up on the couch or in bed, throw on a comfort show, and alternate between reading a new book and scrolling through social media. But sitting didn’t seem like a particularly wise move at the moment. 

On the other hand, she could take care of the chores she had been pushing off around the apartment. While she wanted to do nothing less than busywork at the outset of the weekend, it did seem smart to finish it now before her roommate came home. Of course, she didn’t want him thinking she had done it because of… that, but she also didn’t want him to have any more leverage in their upcoming discussion. 

The decision seemed easy in retrospect, but she spent quite a bit of time silently debating the merits of returning to bed and napping the day away. But eventually she gave in, and started to pick up around the apartment. It was only fair, considering what they had talked in part about last night. Of course in doing so, she could not help but think about what had transpired, and what was to come. 

Part of her was genuinely worried. She had never seen Christian that upset with her before. Sure, they had argued plenty over the years, and she had certainly blown up at him on more then one occasion. But he was always so eager to make peace, or disengage from the conflict. Rarely had he ever dug in and held his ground as he had last night. And never had she imagined him actually… taking things into his own hands so directly.

She squirmed with embarrassment. She had gotten spanked. It was better to own up to that fact now rather than avoid it. She had been punished like a naughty girl less than half her age. Not as some kinky bedroom activity, but actually disciplined for her behavior. And what was worse, she may have actually deserved it. 

Lindsey had always been a bit of a brat. She had a natural inclination towards pushing boundaries and buttons to see what she could get away with. In her case, that often proved to be a lot. Perhaps it was her choice in partners through the years. She often found herself drawn to softer, nerdier men; the kind of guy that could give her both intellectual stimulation and emotional validation. But guys like that tended not to be the type to put their foot down easily. She often found that she could bulldoze over them with her forceful personality to little consequence. 

Christian had once exemplified that description. She had felt a natural attraction to him when they had first met over a decade ago. His reserved nature hid a sharp mental acuity and surprising compassion, a combo she was particularly weak to. But mirroring many men of his type, he lacked initiative. After a long month of back and forth with no meaningful progress between them, the excitement had waned, and she had found herself quickly moving on to a new suitor. She had expected their relationship to fade there, a brief flirtation that never developed beyond that. 

But Christian had stuck around. Lindsay was no stranger to having men in her orbit waiting for their chance. In her youth, she had guiltily cultivated such relationships, enjoying the validation it provided. But Christian seemed to have genuine affection for her beyond their brief flirtation, and made an effort to stick around while others had gradually faded away. So in time he had grown to be a valued close friend.

However, Lindsey was not stupid. Though Christian hid it well, she knew there was more there than he would show. Even as a friend, he had always treated her with the tenderness and care of a boyfriend, and she secretly loved the attention he showered on her. But he was still either too chivalrous or too cowardly to make a real move on her, and neither outcome was particularly attractive. So she passively allowed him to dote on her through the years. Some might say that she was taking advantage of the situation, but if he wasn’t going to take the steps to redefine their relationship, why should she? After all, it wasn’t as if she was lacking in potential partners otherwise. If he was going to give her special treatment willingly, who was she to stop him?

His measured and peaceful demeanor made her discovery of his… persuasion last month all the more shocking. One minute, she was asking to borrow his laptop because her’s was acting up, the next she was face to face with multiple tabs of videos featuring cute girls upturned over knees getting their asses painted red. And not just getting sensual love taps; full force blistering smacks. Without thinking, she had started clicking through the various clips opened on his browser. One of the videos hadn’t been muted, and soon the room was filled with the sounds of a poor girl getting her butt roasted by a hairbrush. She’ll never forget the wide eyed panic on Christian’s face as he bursted into her room with no good explanation.

Lindsey was no prude. She was familiar with a good slew of kinks within the BDSM sphere. While she never partook seriously beyond the ‘fuzzy handcuff’ stage, she understood the appeal. She was also aware of the old adage “the most unassuming are often the kinkiest.” But to find out that it applied to Christian was still a shock. She knew he had something going on based on how cagey he often was in discussing sex and relationships. But she wouldn’t have guessed that he was some kind of closet sadist.

Maybe that’s why it was so fun to tease him about it. Though she had the empathy to refrain from doing so in the immediate aftermath of the ‘incident,’ it soon proved too tempting to not rib him over. And once she had started, she found it difficult to stop. Part of the reason was that it was endlessly amusing to see how uncharacteristically flustered he would get at every comment. Part of it was that his ‘interest’ had her fascinated. After all, how could he have kept such a large facet of himself hidden from her all of these years? It made her curious as to what else stirred beneath the surface.

And so her barbs had grown more insistent as the days passed. Perhaps unconsciously at first, she had gained the desire to see him ‘crack.’ Her picture of Christian had clearly been incomplete, and now she needed to see by just how much. Lindsey quickly developed a dire need to see him drop the mild mannered act and show her who he really was. So she started to poke and prod at him more and more, testing to see if he had it in him to do something about it. Evidently, he did.

She cringed in retroactive embarrassment. She had in truth been a bit more drunk than she realized last night. Not enough to absolve herself of her actions, but enough to loosen her lips and say things she shouldn’t have. And it had apparently proven to be enough for him to finally snap. She has been an ass to him, and had paid dearly for it.

The ordeal last night left her with… mixed feelings. On one hand, the punishment had hurt far more than she thought it would have. Lindsey thought of herself as a tough girl, but she was surprised how fast a few minutes over a man’s knee could strip that from her. Not to mention the sheer embarrassment of having her dignity and agency stripped from her until he was satisfied. It certainly was a more effective form of punishment than she initially thought.

On the other hand, she had gone to bed with a sense of peace she did not expect. For most of her life, she had taken the all of nothing approach to conflict; explosive arguments or full on avoidance. In a strange way, she felt grateful that he cared about her actions enough to calmly hold them to account. It was not something she was used to. For better or worse, she had paid her debt for her actions last night.

But a third emotion left her feeling confused. She had gone to sleep last night with a curious tension in her gut, a familiar tingling farther down. Even now, vacuuming in the living room, she felt traces of it still as she ruminated on the events. 

She kind of found the whole situation… kind of hot.

Not that she wanted to experience that level of pain again in the near future. But the way that Christian had instantly snapped from his unassuming persona to a person assertive enough to take her in hand as if it was nothing… she had a hard time clearing the mental image from her mind. She had not prepared herself to see him in that light, and the results were concerning.

Lindsey groaned aloud and snapped herself from her daydreaming. She was acting like the whole situation was behind them, conveniently leaving out the discussion Christian wanted to have after work. Though she knew it was probably healthy to have a conversation about what had transpired, she couldn’t help but feel worried. She though a lot about his assertion that things needed to change between them. She deeply valued Christian as a friend, despite not always showing it in the best ways. She didn’t want their relationship to change for the worse, for him to tell her that he didn’t want to be her friend anymore or something equally disastrous. Maybe he thought she would be indignant about the whole thing, and wanted to explain himself. She didn’t know. 

So she continued her cleaning sweep around the apartment. He would be home in a few hours, and she wanted to finish up beforehand. At the very least, doing so would remove a potential reason for him to be upset. Beyond that, she would have to wait and see.

Lindsey was waiting in her bedroom when she heard Christian enter the apartment. She had debated sitting out in the living room like she normally would, but she was still nervous to face him directly. Retreating into her room allowed her some small semblance of control over the coming conversation. So she sat on her bed for the last hour after cleaning and tried to distract herself unsuccessfully with reading.

She had kept her phone close by waiting for any response from Mark, but none had yet arrived. She was beginning to think that the situation with him might be as serious as she had feared last night. Still, she had to deal with one problem at a time, or else she would start to spiral. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say to him right now; perhaps his silence was a minor blessing. 

After a few minutes of pep talking herself into action, she emerged from the bedroom cautiously, slowly padding her way through the apartment in a failed effort to appear casual. She found Christian in the kitchen, fixing himself a cup of coffee with his newly washed mugs. He turned and acknowledged her with a raised eyebrow as he sipped his drink.

Embarrassment assailed Lindsey. Just last night, a mirror of this very meeting had occurred in this room. She had thought a lot about what she wanted to say to him, but now she found herself choking on those words with the moment had arrived. Christian had made no effort to start, and the silence had grown palpable. Desperate to escape the awkwardness, Lindsey searched her mind for something, anything to say.

“So I haven’t heard from Mark at all today” she blurted out. 

Christian frowned as he set his cup on the counter. Lindsey wanted to slap herself. Of course she would break the ice with the opportunity to vent. She highly doubted that he would want to hear anything about Mark right now, especially with more immediate concerns for him. But it was the first thing that readily came to mind.

“That sucks” he said. “I really would have thought he’d have said something by now. Did you reach out to him yet?”

She shook her head. “Nah; if he’s not gonna care about our relationship enough to say something about our fight, then I fail to see why I should have to do it first.”

Christian nodded. “That’s understandable, but I think it would be a mistake to just end things without at least some sort of conversation. You owe it to yourself to at least make things clear between you.”

“Yeah, that’s true” she sighed. “But to be honest, I haven’t really sorted out my own feelings yet. Not sure what I’d say even if I did message first. Need a bit to think.”

“Makes sense. Still, it’s a rough situation to be in. I’m sorry.”

Another silence filled the room. It was small, but their brief exchange had successfully broken the ice, and her confidence increased. At the very least, he wasn’t so mad at her to eschew casual conversation. Maybe things would be alright. She decided to stop dancing around the topic and just dive in.

“So, I just wanna start off by saying I’m sorry. I might have been a bit drunker last night than I thought I was. But that’s not an excuse for how I acted. You were right, I shouldn’t have taken out my anger on you for nothing.”

Christian nodded almost imperceptibly, remaining silent.

“And I guess I’ve been on a bit of a tear recently. I’ve been trying to do better, I really have, but sometimes I’m oblivious to how I’m acting towards people. And it gets worse with stress, which you know I’ve been dealing with a lot recently. I didn’t realize I was being a shitty friend.”

She took a deep breath.

“So I guess what I’m saying is that I understand why you… s-spa… did what you did” she stuttered, too embarrassed now to say the word. “I guess I had it coming.”

Christian sipped his coffee again, looking pensive. That alone set Lindsey on edge. While he was always one to consider his words before speaking, she had expected him to trip over himself to accept her apology and make amends. After all, wasn’t that the crux of the issue?

He finally gathered himself and placed the mug down.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that” he started. “I thought a lot about last night while at work, and if things could’ve been handled better. But ultimately it’s somewhat unimportant. As far as I’m concerned, the argument last night has been sufficiently answered for. So I accept your apology.”

Lindsey shuffled in place. Christian was acting different. It wasn’t as stark a change in his demeanor as last night, but there was a distinct difference in how he was addressing her now as opposed to usual. He kept an emotional distance, a guarded and neutral tone as he studied her from across the kitchen. She felt as if she was standing before a court awaiting judgement. His acceptance of her apology gave her no relief from his calculated gaze.

“That being said, that doesn’t mean that we don’t have anything more to discuss” he continued. “After all, last night was but a microcosm of trends flowing through our friendship as a whole.”

Lindsey felt her heart sink. So this wasn’t over after all. She walked over and leaned against the nearby chair to appear more casual. 

“How is that?” she asked.

“Well, it’s as we discussed it last night. The circumstances leading to that whole ordeal do not exist in a vacuum. For years, there has been an imbalance in the way I treat you, and you treat me” he explained.

She frowned. “Yeah, and I apologized. You made your point quite clear. I thought we were square now.”

He remained silent for a few seconds. It looked as if he was debating with himself whether or not to continue further.

“For last night,” he finally said. “But we have yet to talk about how to move forward.”

She looked down at the table. “I mean, what’s there to say? I’ll try to do better. I didn’t realize that you were so upset with the way things have been. Now I know better.”

“It’s not that I’ve been upset, per se. But I do feel that, unconsciously or otherwise, you’ve—.”

“Yeah, yeah… I know” she quickly interrupted. “You don’t have to give me the whole speech again. Like I said, I get it. We really don’t have to make it a bigger deal.”

Christian sighed. “Do you remember how you used to drive right after college?”

“… what do you mean?” Lindsey said, briefly taken aback by the out of place question.

“You’d admit to being a bit of a speed demon, right?” he elaborated. 

“A bit, sure. But what does that have to do with anything?” she asked.

“I don’t think it was intentional; you just didn’t really think about it all that much. Until you got that ticket.”

“That cop was a dick. I was barely five over; he was just looking to fill a quota” she complained.

“I remember. And in that instance, I agree” he said. “But traffic stops were not an uncommon occurrence for you back the either. And after venting for the better part of the day, you decided to pay more attention on the road and take it slower. And you did for a while, until the immediate memory faded and you got two more tickets by the end of the year.”

Lindsey remained quiet, wondering where this way going. Christian continued.

“Or let’s look at a similar situation, like what happened with Terrance.”

She instantly bristled. Terrance was a guy she had dated in her last year of college. They had broken up under strained conditions, and Lindsey had not handled it well. She had gotten wasted a week after the break up and drunk texted him an unintelligible essay, as well as leaving a very messy post on social media before passing out in the early hours of the morning. The mortification she felt the next day was only rivaled by the hangover that left her near bedridden.

“You know just how to bring back the best memories…” she groaned.

Christian smiled apologetically. “Sorry, but it’s relevant. After that night, you swore off ever getting that drunk again. Damn near quit alcohol cold turkey for two months. But at the end of the semester, things went back to relative normalcy, and it took a few years for you to really slow down.”

“Is there a point to this?” she felt herself glaring daggers at her roommate. 

“My point is to highlight similar situations where you resolved to make big changes. It usually goes well to start. Quite frankly, you have a tendency to over perform when the consequences are still fresh in your mind. But then the memory fades, and old habits return. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that; most people are that way to some degree or another. It’s just very pronounced in you, and it doesn’t leave me feeling the most confident that things are going to improve on their own.”

Lindsey looked down, noticing the tight grip she held on the chair beneath her. This interrogation had set her on edge. She did not quite know for sure where this conversation was heading, but a flicker of an idea had wormed its way up from her unconscious mind. She felt her stomach twist in response. 

“I don’t know what you want from me” she shrugged. “I get that there’s a point to this, but I’m not seeing it.”

Christian looked grim as he answered her implicit question. 

“I don’t think last night on its own was sufficient enough for long term change. It was an effective wake up call for certain. I had not realized how much the skewed nature of our friendship had bothered me until then. And it’s a situation that needs to be rectified. But I don’t believe that will happen naturally. However, it appears as if we’ve stumbled upon a solution.”

The dread filling her gut was finally given form.

“You don’t seriously mean that…” she murmured, unable to keep the slight quiver from her voice.

Christian looked around the kitchen in appraisal. “The results appear to speak for themselves. I poked around right after getting home, and have never seen this place looking so spotless. Clearly our ‘discussion’ last night played a role in that.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, there’s no real reason something like that needs to become a regular thing” she chuckled nervously.

“I don’t know, perhaps the threat of a smacked ass might be the perfect incentive for things to change between us” he disagreed.

Blood rushed to her cheeks. Lindsey looked away, unable to meet her friend’s eye. Who the fuck was this Christian to make such a statement so casually? She felt totally put on the spot, as if he really expected her to sign off on this ridiculous idea without pushback. The very notion filled her with embarrassment… as well as a curious sensation that she elected to examine later.

Of course, she couldn’t just stand there staring off into the living room.

“Okay, but no offense; I feel like you’re putting a whole lot of this all on me” she said, unconsciously trying to stave off her embarrassment with anger. “And that’s not fair. Let’s not forget why things ended up this way in the first place.”

“And why is that?” Christian asked.

“Because how was I supposed to know any of this was ever a problem when you never said anything to me, ever?” she said. “You’re just as much at fault for the way things are as I am.”

Her roommate finished his mug and placed it in the sink. 

“That’s partially true” he stated evenly. “I could have done better in articulating the issues in the past. It never seemed worth the argument it would inevitably become. But it’s not like I’ve never tried. Nor should basic stuff like ‘show your friends the same respect you’re given’ really need elaboration.”

“Okay, fine” she conceded through gritted teeth. “But you still let me get away with it. You should have set clearer boundaries from the start. And how is that my fault? No one told you that you had to be a bitch around me to be my friend. That’s on no one but you!”

A brief silence alerted Lindsey to the fact that she had begun to raise her voice unconsciously. Christian held her stare with a measured expression, but she could see the slight tension in his jaw. 

“I’m aware” he agreed, “which is why I'm rectifying that right now. And I would have thought that after last night, you would take more care in being disrespectful towards me.”

“Hey dude, if you can bring up all my flaws and missteps through the years to tear me down, then I can do it too. You don’t have a monopoly on being a dick, sorry” she rebuked.

Christian rubbed the bridge of his nose in mounting frustration. “Except that’s not at all what I was doing. I only brought up the past for specific examples as to why I don’t believe everything will right itself without reinforcement. It’s not to make you feel bad at all.”

“On the other hand,” he continued, “you are lashing out at me because you feel attacked and are seeking retribution. Which is something that you have quite the history of doing.”

“Of course I feel attacked! You’re just looking for any justification to…” she stopped herself and took a deep breath. As evidenced by last night, yelling wasn’t going to get her anywhere. She had to take it down a notch.

“I’m sorry,” she switched gears. “Maybe I am lashing out. And I do see your reasoning. I just think it seems a little unnecessary and excessive, like you don’t trust me.”

Christian stood silent as he considered her words. 

“Then I’ll leave the choice to you. Things need to change around here. As I see it, there are two options available. My way and your way. If you choose my way, then there’s going to be a radical restructuring of this relationship. I am going to be extremely strict with you over the behavior that led to the events of last night, with similar consequences for infractions. That means that not doing your end of the housework, doing anything reckless, and even the slightest hint of disrespect will end with you over my knee or in a similar position.”

Lindsey fought to keep her body still, the pit in her stomach twisting further. 

“And exactly how long would that be for?” she asked, trying to seem unfazed.

“As long as it takes for me to feel a marked and permanent improvement in our dynamic” he replied.

“And what about Mark? If we end up working things out, then that’s going to be an awkward situation to explain” she countered.

“Respectfully, your relationship status isn’t a factor in this to me. I’d be saying the same thing if you and Mark were happy as can be. If you do fix things with him, then you’re free to explain the situation. Or if you wish, I can do it. Whatever way you want to handle it is fine, but as far as I’m concerned this situation is solely between us. That’s something for you to consider.”

She bit down on her tongue. “And if I refuse?” she asked.

“Then we do things your way. We can forget that last night ever happened, and continue normally. But I’m going to hold you to your promise that you will do better. I’m not going to live with someone that doesn’t pull their weight or treats my feelings like an afterthought. At the slightest hint of things going back to the way they have been, even once, I will pack my things up and move back with my family. I will still pay my share towards rent until the lease runs out, but I won’t be staying beyond that.”

She shifted on her feet. “Okay, but even if that happened, we’d still be cool, right? Not saying that it would happen, but hypothetically…”

“I should hope so, but I can’t say for certain” he answered honestly. “I’d like to think that we could remain friends, but I’d have to reevaluate a relationship where you’d be unwilling to change your behavior after all this” he answered. 

Lindsey fell silent, her mind racing with the implications of such a scenario. While she fought the warring thoughts within her, Christian continued.

“If you are to choose my way, then I need to know that you’re serious about it. This isn’t gonna be something that you agree to in order to get out of trouble, only to blow off later. And given your earlier outburst, I’m not sure you absorbed last night’s lesson fully.”

“So here’s the deal. You have until midnight to make a decision. If you want to pick your way, then you don’t need to do anything. Simply go about your night as normal, and that will be that. However, if you choose to do things my way, then you will come find me at some point before midnight. You will then verbally agree to my terms, and ask me to spank you again.”

Lindsey’s eyes widened. “You’re joking.”

“I’d be a terrible comedian if so” he answered.

“But why though? I didn’t do anything.”

“Lindsey, you fell right back into your pattern of disrespect the moment this conversation didn’t go the exact way you wanted it to. I understand why you’re upset, but you can’t just fly into insults and accusations whenever you’re mad. If you want to prove to me that you’re serious about this, then you have to show that you’re willing to submit to my judgement.”

She stomped her foot in frustration. “Okay, but like, this isn’t exactly—“

Christian held up a hand. “Respectfully, I have laid my cards on the table. I don’t want to have an argument two nights in a row. If you don’t agree to those terms, then simply do nothing. I’ll respect your decision either way.”

He pushed himself away from the counter. “I’m a bit exhausted. I’m going to take a nap, and then order us something for dinner. I doubt either of us wants to cook right now.”

Lindsey wanted to argue further, but held her tongue. There really wasn’t a point; Christian had made his stance clear, and put the ball firmly in her court. It was entirely up to her what she did with it. So she sighed and watched her roommate wander off down the hall to his room, her mind whirling with the choice laid in front of her.

Second half of this chapter here.